Have the trials of this year left you feeling out of control? Helpless? Frustrated? Maybe even a little hopeless? It’s not just you. And while there’s no denying that 2020 has been a challenging year, to say the least, you don’t have to let it take hold of you. It’s time to learn to take your power back!
Here’s what I’m going to cover below about taking your power back:
- Why we need to take our power back over our emotional and mental health
- How to know when you’ve lost control over your emotional wellness
- Common things that are stealing your power
- Specific actions you can take to regain control
- Resources to help with anxiety during 2020
Stress and anxiety are not new problems
Mental health challenges are not new. Difficult emotions impacting your wellness aren’t new either. And yet it feels different this year. But I don’t think it’s for the same reasons that most people do.
Yes, there’s COVID and there’s economic crisis. Yes, racial tension has skyrocketed and come to the forefront of the media. And on top of all that, we’re in the midst of what feels like a more heated election year than any of us can remember, which is being perceived by both sides as “good vs evil”.
But I don’t think those are the root causes of the mental health challenges that we’re seeing. I think it’s more than that.
According to a poll about stress back in 2017, close to 80% of Americans said they experienced daily stress frequently or sometimes. Only 4% said they never experienced stress (which I’m not 100% sure I believe those 4%, but to each their own). And that was back in 2017!
After the year we’ve had so far, most of us probably can’t even really recall much of what happened that year. There certainly weren’t multiple events that were going to be added to the history books.
So what does a study from three years ago have to do with right now?
If we were already struggling with stress back then, it’s likely only increased this year. And if you were already struggling with stress before 2020 hit, you might have already lost your power before the world turned upside down.
I believe that many people were already in a more difficult emotional state than they even realized before March of this year. When the world shut down and things got quiet, many people were forced to come face-to-face with that stress and those emotions.
We weren’t prepared for it.
And because we Americans have a tendency to pack our schedules to the brim, it made it pretty easy to hide the fact that we had already lost a lot of our power long ago. We didn’t even realize that we weren’t as emotionally or mentally healthy as we believed we were. And that has made it even more difficult for people to navigate through these challenges.
Please don’t think that I’m in any way trying to minimize the difficulty of the trauma that we’re experiencing this year. I see it. It’s something that I’ve been addressing through blog posts, videos, online courses and virtual presentations all year. In fact, you can see some of the proof of it here:
- How to Find Peace in Times of Uncertainty online course
- Is 2020 A Year of Devastating Trauma or Incredible Resilience: The Choice is Yours
- A School Administrator’s Guide for Emotional Wellness During the Reopening
- Tense & Triggered: How to Defuse Conflict in a Year of Pandemic, Politics, and Protests
- Workplace Mental Health: The Impact of Trauma on Employees and What Your Role is as an Employer
- Mental Wellness in the Coronavirus Outbreak
- How to Support Employee Mental Health During the Pandemic
- How to Address Reopening Anxiety in the Workplace
- How to Be an Effective Anti Racism Advocate
I think many people have gotten stuck in the stress and drama of the year. They’ve allowed the circumstances, situations, and even the media to have control of their emotions. And this is dangerous for mental health and emotional wellness.
That’s why we need to learn to take our power back.
This is a concept that I learned from one of my therapists, Jon Terrell. He’s taught me a lot about looking at emotions through the lens of the physical body. While it is important to think about the emotions themselves, sometimes when we are feeling difficult things— anger, frustration, sadness, hopelessness—we need to look at our physical body first.
When explaining the idea to me, he related it to boxing.
A few years ago, I started boxing as a healthy way to deal with anger. When I’m at the gym boxing, I start throwing punches. My arms are instantly active. But it’s the moment that my knees start getting involved and my body turns with each punch that my punches become stronger.
I get my power back.
Jon reminds me to purposefully think about the fact that I’m taking my power back as I box whenever I start to feel my knees engage.
Even forgetting about the fact that these exercises are helping make my muscles stronger, this visualization helps me regain control of my power, even if it’s just in my head.
When we allow outside sources, like people or situations, to control our emotions and responses, we lose our power. We allow those other things to control us. Eventually we may feel we’re on a wild rollercoaster and we’re out of control.
Taking our power back allows us to take control over our mental health and emotional wellness.
So how do you know when you’ve lost control of your power?
The easiest way to tell when you’ve lost control is to look at your behavior. Loss of power tends to lead to self-destructive behavior. We all do it sometimes, but when your power is gone it becomes a pattern.
The unfortunate thing about mental health is that many people struggle with a lack of self-awareness. That means it’s more likely for someone else to point out negative behavior they see in your life.
The other thing that I would recommend watching for is not feeling like yourself or feeling numb. Back in 2011, I went through three years of telling my therapist that I felt numb. I just felt like I had no emotions. However, I learned that I wasn’t in touch with my deepest feelings. I’ve since learned that when I think I’m feeling numb, there is actually more going on.
What common things are stealing people’s power and emotional wellness right now?
This is a loaded question. There’s a real feeling of loss of control in 2020. There are so many things that we feel are stealing our power:
- Media coverage: What’s real and what’s not?
- The election: Is it really good vs evil?
- Violent riots: Need I say more?
- COVID: Is it a pandemic or a “plandemic”?
- Finances: The economy isn’t what we expected for this year.
And that list doesn’t even include the “normal” struggles that we face as people. That list would include things like:
- Difficult relationships
- Health concerns
- Job stress
- Parenting challenges
2020 has left many people feeling like everything is out of their control and things are spiraling down and getting worse.
In our world, the things we used to feel safe and secure around—home, work, social structures—we now feel are under a legitimate threat. There’s so much that’s taking away our power right now.
And you may be doing fine, but the people around you may be struggling. That’s also draining to constantly be exposed to.
What are specific ways you can take back control over your mental health?
There are three specific things I want to share with you that can help you take your power back. But first, I want to talk about taking responsibility.
It’s easy in a year when so much feels out of your control to blame your situation and loss of power on something else. It might be blaming it on another person. Or it might be blaming something like a virus, government, or racism.
But unless you decide to take responsibility for your life and your power, you aren’t going to see progress. I like the way Will Smith words it in this video:
“Your heart, your life, your happiness, is your responsibility. And your responsibility alone. As long as we’re pointing the finger and stuck in whose fault something is, we’re jammed and trapped into victim mode. When you’re in victim mode, you are stuck in suffering. The road to power is in taking responsibility.”
Once you are ready to take responsibility for getting your power back, here are three things you can do:
Say it out loud
I really believe the first step to regaining your power is to declare it out LOUD to yourself. Say the words, “I am taking my power back!”
You can look in the mirror while you say it. You can stomp your foot while you say it. Or you can even go shout it from the rooftop.
It may feel a little weird to say it out loud, but do it anyway. The science is there to back up that saying things out loud can help with memory and taking action. So embrace the awkward feeling and declare out loud that you are taking your power back starting now.
Get intentional about what you’re going to do
So much is happening every day. I’ve had to FORCE self-care this year. In fact, just this morning I was feeling “meh” and I had to force myself to meditate. I didn’t feel like it, but I did it. I made sure to show up for it.
When you’re stuck in a funk, the hardest things to do are the things that will actually help you address your emotional wellness. It’s much easier to binge on Netflix, hit up Amazon or have a drink. These have been popular activities this year. But they aren’t self-care activities. They are escape behaviors and they can keep you stuck.
Do your best to force yourself to do that one little thing that will help ground you.
There’s so much noise around us—the pandemic, the economy, politics, riots—even if we shut off from it, our friends or family members are likely to tell us about it.
It’s really important to take a time out.
I like to meditate. It helps to ground me.
But for you, it may be just sitting silently for five minutes with your eyes closed. Or it may be praying, reading the Bible, or going for a walk outside. Whatever it is for you, get in a routine with it. Intentionally make it part of your day.
I’ve struggled this year just like everyone. But constantly grounding myself has been extremely important and helpful.
Invest time in looking for professional help
Don’t let stigma stop you from getting help for any challenges you are experiencing with your mental health or emotional wellness. And you can’t just say that you’re going to get to it eventually.
Schedule the time on your calendar.
If you don’t feel that you need to meet with a therapist, schedule time to engage in self-care activities or time to research topics that will help you.
What if you try to regain control and other people try to drag you back in?
You can probably relate to this. Maybe a few months ago you were feeling overwhelmed by the media headlines. So you decided to take a few days off from social media and watching the news, and just when things were starting to feel a little better, your phone started blowing up from a friend who was venting about what they saw on the news.
Can you relate?
Unfortunately, that’s called life.
Taking your power back is an every day thing.
It’s not that you do it once and then you’re done. It’s something you need to do repeatedly.
As people, we traumatize each other all the time. We get hurt by other people and we hurt other people. It’s part of life. And it can help to realize that it’s a constant process. You might have a great day today but something might happen tomorrow that’s going to lift the rug from under you emotionally.
This is why it’s crucial to have tools and resources that you can use to take your power back. It’s not enough to wait until you’re in the moment and figure out what to do. It’s best to be proactive about your mental health and emotional wellness.
For example, this past weekend, I was really struggling with my mental health. I was in kind of a dark place. But fortunately, I had the tools. I’ve learned how to sit with my emotions. I have mental health professionals that I can reach out to for extra appointments. And I’ve learned the steps that help me work through the more difficult days and the activities that help me boost my emotional strength.
It’s important to walk confidently in your power in life.
There are so many things that can steal our power if we let them. But knowing what you can do to regain that power and control of your emotions and mental health can make all the difference. That’s why I want you to get intentional about taking back your power today!
If you’re struggling with anxiety through this difficult year, I encourage you to explore the online course How to Find Peace in Times of Uncertainty to assist you in regaining control.
