“I don’t think people realize the power one person can have to change a situation or impact someone’s life.” – Lizzie Valasquez
When I think about how to prevent suicide, one of the keys is to get into the habit of sharing selfless stories. Share those stories that show you in a not-so-positive light. These are stories that show your ugly side, your pain, your shame, your embarrassments, and your weakness. Share those stories that show the real you.
Michael Luchies, my good friend and fellow editor, illustrated this idea brilliantly in his TEDx Talk, The Importance of Being an Unselfish Storyteller. Watch it here:
What I love about Michael’s presentation is that it gets right to the point: we are selfish when it comes to storytelling. He reminds us that we all like to portray ourselves in a certain way. He then shares about how he lost a real opportunity to help someone truly because of feelings of fear, shame and embarrassment. At the end of his talk, he asks the question, “who have you failed by being selfish?”
Every time I’ve watched his TEDx talk, that one question makes me uncomfortable. In being honest with myself, I know that I have missed many opportunities to help someone because I was selfish.
“If it has a chance to help someone, you need to share it.” Michael Luchies
Michael’s talk has inspired me to become more intentional about sharing stories that show the real me. For example, here’s a story that I share regularly:
In that video, I felt that I did a pretty good job of describing what life was like for me as a child. After reflecting on the authenticity of the video, it left out one important part of my childhood – I was extremely violent and abusive at home and at sometimes violent at school.
I once I punched a girl in the face at school because I thought she was ugly, in the fourth grade. If I were angry at home, I would punch and kick my parents and worst of all; I would regularly hit my younger brother. I was angry and wanted to inflict maximum pain on people.
On a positive note, I no longer engage in any violent or abusive behavior whatsoever. (I had to insert that for selfish purposes)
I shared that story with you because you may know a child who is struggling with behavior, just like I was…or maybe a parent who is trying to cope with a child who is violent and abusive. It captures the reality of a secret that’s prevalent in many homes right now. My hope is that someone identifies with what I just said, realizes that they aren’t alone, and takes action to get help.
When it comes to suicide prevention, I believe that unselfish storytelling is critical. Andrew Solomon wrote an article in The New Yorker, titled, Suicide, A Crime of Loneliness. He says that
“Suicide is a crime of loneliness, and adulated people can be frighteningly alone.”
How to Prevent Suicide
As a person who has attempted suicide, I couldn’t agree more. When I was contemplating it, in my mind, it was a solution to the loneliness, isolation, overwhelm, and pain that I felt.
When someone is feeling hopeless, sometimes sharing an unselfish story is all that you can do to empower them. Selfish stories (that make you look good) may light touch someone’s mind. Unselfish stories hit everyone’s heart.
This idea can also be helpful to suicide survivors and people who have lost someone. Kevin Hines, a suicide survivor is producing a movie, titled Suicide: The Ripple Effect. According to SuicideTheRippleEffect.com,
“The film chronicles Kevin’s personal journey and the ripple effect it has on those who have been impacted by his suicide attempt and his life’s work since. In addition, the film highlights the stories of individuals and families who are utilizing their personal tragedy to bring hope and healing to others. “
7 Steps to Selfless Storytelling
- Write down missed opportunities to share unselfishly. Think about times in your life when you lost a chance to have an impact on someone because you held back on sharing. Reflect on how those people would have benefitted from knowing your full story.
- Write down the thing you feel guilty about, feel shame about, and your resentments. For myself, this is a process that I go through on a regular basis.
- Write down secrets that you will never tell anyone. As I wrote down mine, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Afterward, however, I felt so much better.
- Embrace your selfless stories has gifts that will heal yourself and others. It might be very hard to see it that way at first, but if you trust that unselfish storytelling might be the key to transforming a life, then I encourage you to believe what I have to say.
- Look and listen for opportunities to share. There are opportunities everywhere to help someone else. There’s a friend, a family member, colleague, or someone in your life who is going through a tough time and contemplating suicide right now. They may not be saying anything about it, which is why you need to keep this on your radar.
- Choose to tell stories your unselfishly. If you make it this far, this should be easy.
- Save lives. Once you begin doing this, you will start to heal from some of your pain to feel better knowing that you are helping others. You will be giving yourself and others one of the greatest gifts of all – HOPE!
Many adults are afraid to discuss suicide with teens, fearing it will give them the idea to try it. This fear has been studied and research shows that more discussion is better, not worse. Telling our older kids straight out that we worry about them, that we’d be devastated if they died of suicide, does help!
The Talk That Could Save a Life: How to Talk About Suicide to Kids of Any Age by Dr. Deborah Gilboa on Today.com.
Watch more of my unselfish stories by subscribing to my YouTube channel…
