Is 2020 A Year of Devastating Trauma or Incredible Resilience: The Choice is Yours

Sometimes it’s just nice to hear that everything is going to be OK. I know 2020 has been filled with what seems like an endless supply of doom-and-gloom challenges, but we are going to be OK. As people, we are strong. We are resilient. And we will get through this.

“Here come bad news, talking this and that
(Yeah) Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold it back
(Yeah) Well, I should probably warn you I’ll be just fine
(Yeah) No offense to you, don’t waste your time
Here’s why
Because I’m happy”

This song, “Happy” by Pharrell Williams, was the most downloaded song in 2014, and it was written for an animated movie. The song was created to use in the movie Despicable Me 2 when one of the main characters, Gru, turned from an unhappy and grumpy person into a happy one when he falls in love.

There’s just something about the song that makes people feel “happy” when they hear it. It’s fun and lighthearted—something that we need more of in this world.

But the story of how the song came to be has a message about human resiliency as well. According to an article by Creative Review, the first nine songs that Pharrell Williams wrote for the movie were rejected.

No one likes rejection. It would be easy to give up after nine failed attempts. It’d be easy to think that things just weren’t going to work out well in the situation. But he didn’t do that. He kept going until he wrote a song that became one of the most popular of the year.

He was resilient.

People are resilient—including YOU!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in any way trying to say that the things that are happening this year don’t matter and aren’t making an impact. Some of you have experienced the loss of family or friends from COVID. Some of you have experienced financial setbacks that you’re not sure how to overcome due to the shutdown during the pandemic. Our nation has experienced trauma through racial injustice. 

And then there are many of you who have experienced negative situations that are part of life apart from the year 2020. It might be the end of a relationship. Or losing someone close to you from cancer. You may suffer from mental health challenges or a physical disability. Maybe you’ve experienced what feels like failure after failure in life.

There’s no denying that life is hard. We’re all going to face challenges, experience hurt and struggle at times. Some of us may experience more than others. But that’s not all there is for you.

As people, we’re created to be resilient. We have been resilient throughout history. Look at all that we faced in the world throughout the past, and we’re still here. We’re still going strong. We make progress year after year, even when we experience setbacks. 

We grow through our struggles by being resilient

It’s normal to want life to be easy. Who wouldn’t wish for their circumstances to always be exactly what they wanted? It’d seem crazy not to. 

But I believe that we grow more through our struggles than we do through the good times when everything is going well. Just look back at the example of Pharrell Williams. By being continually pushed to provide a better song, nine times, he came back with a song that’s had amazing success.

Think about the times that you’ve grown the most in your life for a minute. If you’re like me, those times came about because of situations that didn’t feel great at the moment. It might have been something that pushed you outside of your comfort zone. It may have been when you recovered from someone hurting you. Or it may have been after you experienced failure and you had to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. 

These are the times when we learn about ourselves. These are the times when we see the areas where we may need to focus on a little self-improvement. And these are the times when our true grit and perseverance show up. 

Even though the headlines in 2020 look scary and overwhelming, this is still happening. People are coming together. We’re finding ways to support each other. We’re getting creative in how we can continue to do business and move forward. 

A message for you if you’re feeling down and out

A member on my team recently shared with me a message that helped get her through the lowest time in her life. It’s simple but it was effective to help her shift her mindset, find her strength and keep going:

“You’re still here.”

Simple enough, right? If you’re doing great at the moment, these simple three words might not speak to you. But if you’re struggling, this might be the message you need to hear. 

No matter what you have failed at, what kind of setbacks you’ve experienced, regardless of the pain you have caused or that someone has caused you, you’re still here. And since you’re still here, there’s a purpose that you can serve. There’s a difference you can make and something that you can contribute to the world, even if it’s just impacting one other person. 

In fact, I’m a strong believer that you can use your story of struggle and setback to help other people. I became a mental health speaker because of the challenges that I’ve experienced throughout life with my own mental health. In fact, I committed to giving my first mental health keynote presentation in the midst of an extremely difficult time in my life where I was on the verge of attempting suicide. 

And now I’m constantly encouraging others to help transform the mental health stigma by sharing their personal stories. When people realize that others have experienced the same types of struggles that they’re experiencing in life, it can help motivate them to keep going. 

You could be the inspiration that someone else needs right now, simply by being you. 

What if I don’t feel resilient?

Honestly, it’s normal not to feel strong and resilient all the time. Especially this year. You may be struggling with feeling anxious or depressed. The thought of being resilient may be far from your mind. 

Remember, it’s OK not to feel OK.

That doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean that you’re not resilient. And it doesn’t mean that you will always feel like that. 

You shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed if you’re struggling. It’s normal to experience times like this. But you don’t want to stay in that place. There are many things that you can do to help improve your mental health and emotional wellness right now including:

Creating good self-care habits

Self-care has become somewhat of a buzz word. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time that you’ve heard you should focus on your self-care. But please don’t skim over this section. 

Your self-care habits can have a big impact on your life. 

If you’re struggling with depression, it’s easy to forget about these things. You may not have the strength to care about showering in the morning. You may skip meals because you have a lack of appetite. And the thought of getting together with friends may be draining. But these things matter. 

When you start to take shortcuts on your self-care, it can quickly become a downward spiral. Skipping the occasional meal can turn into not eating at all. Ignoring that call with your friend can lead to withdrawing from others completely. 

Good self-care habits can help build positive change in your life. Bad self-care habits can cause your mental health and emotional wellness to continue suffering. 

Keep a gratitude journal

We always have something to be grateful for. I know this sounds cliché, but I promise I wouldn’t share it with you if I didn’t believe that it’s an effective way to boost your emotional wellness.

Your mind is powerful. What you focus your attention on is going to impact you whether you want it to or not. 

If you choose to focus on the negative situations in life, it’s going to negatively impact your mental health and emotional wellness. It’s hard to feel happy or calm when you spend hours scrolling through negative news headlines. 

If you choose to focus on the positive things in your life, you’ll start to see more of them. If you’ve struggled with negative self-talk and overall negativity lately, this is something that you’ll need to be intentional about. 

For example, you could set a timer to write down a few things that you’re grateful for throughout the day. Or you could add this activity to your bedtime routine.

If things aren’t going well in life right now, this may be incredibly hard. Don’t give up. Start by thinking about the simple things:

• What relationships are you thankful for?
• Can you use your five senses? Or even just one of them? 
• Do you have a job? Even if it’s a crappy one? 
• Did your old car get you to work today even if it is noisy and ugly? 

Don’t be afraid to get creative if you need to. I believe that the more you practice this on a regular basis, the easier it will become. And eventually, it can help you change your outlook on life.

Connect with happy people

Take a minute to picture the happiest person that you know. These are the types of people that you want to spend time with. Those people that you just can’t help but smile and laugh with. The ones that seem to know just the right thing to say at the right time.

If you’re feeling a little down, these people can help boost your mood.

It’s also helpful to limit the amount of time that you spend interacting with negative people. This is especially true if you’re already struggling with feeling a little down.

Take inventory of your relationships. Do you have happy people in your life? If not, you may need to work on developing new relationships. During the days of COVID this is a little more of a challenge, but remember that we’re resilient as people. Go online. Look for forums with people who enjoy things you enjoy. Look for a support group for others who are struggling at the moment. Or reach out to an old friend you haven’t talked to in years. 

And don’t forget to try to be this person for others as well. If you’re in the midst of struggling with mental health challenges, you may need to focus on your own emotional wellness first. And that’s perfectly OK. 

But if you’re doing OK right now, look for ways to help boost others. 

Work with a therapist

The stigma around mental health causes some people to avoid therapy at all costs. Instead, they look for alternative forms of treatment that can help. They may want to find just the right supplement or essential oil for aromatherapy. There are all kinds of alternative forms of treatment. And I believe that many of them can benefit you in a positive way. 

But I also believe that they are not an equal replacement for working with a professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and emotional wellness. Do not be too proud to seek help from a therapist if you need it. Getting help will only make you a stronger person, not a weaker one. 

Trauma or Resilience: How will you remember this year?

There’s no denying that 2020 has been a rough year for everyone. In one way or another everyone has experienced trauma. But we’re still here and that means that we have the power to choose how we are going to remember this year. 

We can focus on all the negative things happening all around us and forever remember 2020 as a year of devastating trauma. 

Or we can focus on tapping into our human resilience and remember 2020 as the year that we experienced incredible growth. 

The choice is yours. 

If you’re interested in hearing more about my personal story with mental health challenges, subscribe to my YouTube Channel. If you’d like to bring a virtual mental health presentation to your organization, I invite you to explore your options today.