Emotional Intelligence: The Leadership Skill That Matters More Than IQ | 004

They really would. And I would always say it to someone like this, where like if someone pinches you, uh, you know, you go, ouch. Not that someone should be pinching you without your consent, but someone pinches you, you go, ouch. But if you pinched me, I would feel like my body is burning for days. Uh, so little things would trigger me.

And to be honest with you, it made it hard to be aware of other people's emotions and how I came off in relationships and as a student. I don't know. I did okay in school, but I always felt a bit inferior. And the thing that really changed my life was music, um, really changed my life, helped me learn to channel my emotions in a more.

Healthier way, I guess. And nowadays I can manage my emotions. I can't control them. I can manage them. And I'm proud to say that I have great relationships and this is something that I'm constantly working on. Both my emotions and relationships all the time. I'm not perfect at it. Sometimes I fail.

That's all it is, and the topic of emotional intelligence is especially important right now because the world is experiencing heightened levels of stress, uncertainty, and polarization, both in the workplace and in everyday life. And here are three reasons like. Why you need to really listen to what I'm gonna be talking about today?

Artificial intelligence and automation are increasing the value of human skills. So we thought that they were gonna take away the value. They're increasing it. So as machines handle more technical tasks, empathy, self-awareness and social connection are becoming key differentiators in leadership and collaboration.

And number three, social and cultural tensions require. Deeper understanding. We live in a divided world in case you have not been living in the world lately. And whether in conversations about identity, justice or inclusion, emotional intelligence helps people listen without defensiveness, respond with empathy, and build bridges across.

Mike: Emotional intelligence counts for 58% of performance in all job types, and 90% of top performers score high in emotional intelligence. And this comes from talent smart. This underscores that emotional intelligence isn't just this soft skill that we think people need to work on. It's a core driver of success, especially in leadership, teamwork, and in high stakes situations, and in today's volatile high pressure environments.

Understanding and managing emotions often separates good from great. So listen to the end because it will make you a more emotionally intelligent leader, which is so important, and therefore a more. Powerful leader. . So let's, let's talk about this emotional intelligence thing. So when we use the term.

Intelligence comes in, in a well-known longitudinal study of college graduates. Research has found that the students with the highest GPAs were not the most successful later in life. Instead, the individuals who achieved the most tremendous success in their careers and personal lives were those with the strongest social.

And emotional skills. Interesting, right? This study and others like it from institutions such as Carnegie Mellon and Stanford reinforce a very powerful truth. While intelligence and academic achievement opened doors, emotional intelligence determines how far you go. Once you're in the room, I love that.

It's not a a, a, attacking their character. And one of the reasons I know is because. Some of them are very smart people, actually some of the smartest people I've ever met in my life. But they're lacking relationships. They don't have relationships, networks, and they struggle in conflict with people. And this is something that I noticed that, you know, is, is a trend actually, that there are people I know who have invested so much in their iq, being smart, knowing things, but.

And you know, I'm gonna even share this episode with some of them lovingly if they wanna listen to it. I mean, I share a lot of things with them, so maybe they'll listen. One of the reasons this podcast is named Coffee with Mike is because. I built my career on coffee. Let me explain. I didn't have relationships when I started out my career.

I didn't have, you know, people who knew who I was, who could connect me with things, but I knew it was important. So at the time, I remember I didn't have a lot of money to go to conferences and networking and all this stuff. So I would ask people to go out to coffee with me and. I don't know. I mean, I wasn't looking to get something out of the relationship, just connect.

So that's why I named this podcast Coffee with Mike. So we're building a relationship as you're listening or watching, and when it comes to emotional intelligence, I didn't realize I was developing it, but I've learned a few things since then. So Talent Smart, the source that I mentioned before, which I'll leave a link to in the show notes, people with high emotional intelligence.

Earn an average of $29,000 more annually than those with lower emotional intelligence. Every point increase in emotional intelligence adds to your earning potential. So if you work on new skills around this, you're working on increasing your revenue. It's that simple. Organizations with emotionally intelligent leadership experience, higher employee engagement, retention, and profitability.

Now, here's the most important thing to know. This is gold, what I'm about to share with you. Emotional intelligence can be improved with practice, unlike iq. Emotional intelligence isn't fixed. Training in areas like self-awareness, empathy, and self-regulation can lead to measurable gains. So it's important to understand that if you're listening and thinking, whoa, I might struggle in this area, or I know someone who does.

There's hope. There's hope for everyone here, and it's something I'm constantly practicing myself. So how do you measure it and how do you start improving it? Well, there are many different ways to go about measuring it. The worst way is to just simply reflect and think that you're emotionally intelligent.

Um, my personal opinion of assessment is if I ask someone if they're emotionally intelligent and they say. No, I'm working at it. Chances are that's an indicator that they are emotionally intelligent. That's just my opinion. I don't know if that's a real assessment, but it's important to have a concrete way to do that.

And I'm just gonna say a few things. I recognize my emotions as they happen. How do you rate yourself? Is that one rarely or a five? Almost always. I stay calm and think clearly. Under pressure, I'm able to resolve conflicts without escalation. People feel heard and understood when they talk to me. I reflect on feedback without getting defensive.

So if you consistently score fours and fives, you're likely high in emotional intelligence. If you are lower, that's a signal to focus your growth in those areas. So how do we grow? Here are five things that you can do to start improving your emotional intelligence. And let me just say this. As I'm sipping my tea over here, this stuff, by the way, is really good.

Well, I don't know. You know, I was like averaging three, I guess. So yeah, I guess there's certain things that I'm good in and certain things that, that need some work. So this stuff is here to help me too, grow in my emotional intelligence. So number one, practice self-awareness. What does this mean? Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on your feelings and why journaling or mindfulness apps can help you recognize emotional patterns.

One of the things that I often have in. I think a few episodes I talk about checking in with your feelings by asking yourself three questions. One, what am I feeling? Two, where is it located in my body? And three, what do I need right now? When I ask myself, what am I feeling? Or if you ask yourself, now what?

Learning to locate where you're feeling an emotion. So important, even if you're, you're feeling joy, okay, I'm feeling joy. Where, where are you feeling that in your body? You might be feeling it in your stomach or your shoulders or something like that. So this can really, really help you recognize patterns and understand yourself better.

It's very triggering for me. Certain people in the family being around them just triggers anger in me, defensiveness, and um, I spiral and. You know, for years I would blame them, and to an extent I could blame them, but it's also about me and my response to them. So I have had to learn that I need to get better at responding to them.

They're gonna be themselves. I need to respond better. And that's something that's very difficult for me. So one of the ways I practice this is by visualizing, it, visualizing scenarios where, um, I will. Maybe feel cornered or triggered by them, and I practice responding and hopefully when I see them, um, I will have good news on a future episode that I can share with you.

Stephen Covey. One of the habits, I think it's habit number four, I could be wrong, is seek first to understand, then be understood. Oftentimes, when we're listening to someone, we're listening with the intent on replying, and you can always tell because the moment the person stops, you might have a response.

This takes humility, but it accelerates. Growth. Sometimes I ask people I work with, how do I come off? How do I come off when communicating? Uh, was I clear in, in delegating? I, I can ask you how am I coming off in this podcast? Actually, I'd love for you to leave a review and let me know. Let me know your honest feelings because.

I will definitely take everything into consideration. I'm not expecting you to say all nice stuff, though. The the five star ratings and, and good reviews do help, but I'm not expecting that. I'm working towards that. That's what I'll say. See, that's me practicing emotional intelligence. And number five, build empathy, like a muscle practice stepping into other people's shoes, especially those who think or feel differently than you try to name the emotions they might be experiencing.

So one of the things that I really try to do, as it was leading up to the election, was make it a point to imagine. Their perspective, even if I didn't agree, even if fundamentally I thought they were wrong or misinformed, I really made it a point to do that. And you know that. Just help me understand them better.

Ding. This takes a lot of practice. Listen to understand, not just to reply and give people your full attention. Ask for feedback. Ask for feedback. Don't give yourself feedback and assume, ask for feedback and build empathy like a muscle. It's something that you have to constantly practice.

My voice just totally cracked right there. I went. , um, these are things that you can do to really help you build emotional intelligence, and I want to ask you a question based on all of this. Where can you improve your emotional intelligence journey based on all of the stuff that you've heard or watched?

Remember that emotional intelligence is being smart about feelings both yours and other people's, so you can handle relationships, stress, and challenges more effectively. That's it. Emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of performance in all job types, and 90% of top performers score high in emotional intelligence.

Uh, coming up, we have an episode on purpose Driven Leadership, finding Your Why and Inspiring Others. And this will offer you insights on how discovering and aligning with personal and organizational purpose can enhance your impact. Leadership, so super important stuff. Thank you for getting coffee with me and let's get coffee again sometime.

Be well.