Here's something that might not surprise you: 89% of U.S. adults feel stressed during the holidays, with 41% reporting higher stress levels compared to other times of the year [23] [3].
Yeah, I know. The season that's supposed to bring joy and celebration often delivers overwhelming pressure, financial strain, and emotional chaos instead. Actually, 3 in 5 Americans say their mental health takes a hit during the holidays [19]. If you're already dealing with mental health challenges, it gets worse – 64% of people with mental illness report that their symptoms get kicked into overdrive around this time [23] [19] [4] [20].
But here's the thing – protecting your mental health during the holidays isn’t complicated, and you don’t need perfect execution of specific tools or skills to protect your mental health during the holidays. Holiday stress is real, and mental health struggles are common. I get it.
This article is written from my perspective as a Certified Corporate Wellness Specialist® and from my own mental health journey. I have major depressive disorder, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. On top of that, I am a member of a dysfunctional family…as are most of us.
What I'm sharing here are practical tips that actually work when your family starts pushing your buttons, when money feels tight, or when grief hits you like a truck. These aren't feel-good tips. They're strategies I've learned through my own struggles and from working with people who know what they're talking about.
Let me show you how to get through this season without losing your mind.
How to Actually Survive the Holidays Without Losing Your Mind
“The first step in this journey is to remember that a great deal of the stress we feel at the holidays is of our own creation.” — Dr. Daisy Sutherland, Doctor, author, and wellness expert
The holidays mess with your head in ways that research can't fully capture. Sure, over 60% of adults report feeling stressed during this time [21], but that doesn't tell you what it feels like when you're sitting at a family dinner wanting to scream.
Your emotions are all over the place – and that's okay
Here's what nobody talks about: You can feel happy about seeing family and absolutely miserable about the pressure at the same time. I've experienced this countless times, even though I don’t formally celebrate the holidays (except for Halloween). During the winter, I look forward to seeing my dad and my brother, while grieving my mother, who died in 2016[2].
Those holiday cards showing perfect families? They're lying to you. Real people feel:
- Joy mixed with anxiety
- Excitement alongside dread
- Love tangled up with frustration
- Gratitude competing with grief
Psychologists say to acknowledge these feelings without judgment [22], and honestly, that's been a game-changer for me. Your emotions are giving you information about what matters and what hurts [23]. When you stop fighting them, you can actually hear what they're trying to tell you.
If things get overwhelming, services like BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, or Talkspace can help you sort through the mess.
Stop torturing yourself with other people's highlight reels
Social media during the holidays is basically emotional warfare. Everyone posts their perfectly decorated homes and smiling family photos [22]. What they don't show you is the meltdown that happened five minutes before the picture, or the credit card debt from all those presents [24].
Theodore Roosevelt nailed it when he said comparison is the “thief of joy” [5]. I learned this the hard way after spending too many years feeling like crap because my holidays didn't look like everyone else's Instagram feed [5].
Reality check: That person posting the perfect family photo might be dealing with the same stress, money problems, or relationship issues you are. They just don't post about it [5].
Limiting screen time during tough moments has seriously helped protect my mental health [22]. Sometimes you need to put the phone down and focus on your own life.
Drop the fantasy of the “perfect” holiday
I used to have this vision of how the holidays should go. Everything would be magical, everyone would get along, and we'd create beautiful memories [5]. Then reality would hit, and I'd feel like I failed when things got messy.
Here's what I've learned: People change. Traditions evolve. Families are complicated [23].
Instead of chasing some impossible standard, I focus on what actually matters:
- A few genuine moments of connection
- Small things that bring real joy
- Being present instead of performing
Setting clear boundaries isn't just helpful; it's essential. It's necessary for your sanity [9]. Sometimes protecting your mental health means saying no to things that drain you [23].
This isn't selfish. It's necessary if you want to show up authentically for the people and moments that truly matter.
How I Learned to Deal with Holiday Stress (The Hard Way)
Nearly 9 in 10 Americans report experiencing stress during the holidays [10]. I used to be one of those people who thought I could just power through it. Spoiler alert: That didn't work.
Figure out what actually sets you off
The research says the biggest holiday stressors are financial pressures, unrealistic expectations, family dynamics, grief, and overcommitment [11]. But here's what I've learned – you need to get specific about YOUR triggers, not just the general ones everyone talks about.
For me, these are the big ones:
- Financial stress – Even thinking about holiday spending can send me into a spiral
- Family gatherings where I feel judged – You know the ones
- Feeling obligated to attend every single event – I avoid most
- The pressure to be “festive” when I'm not feeling it
The American Psychological Association says understanding your personal triggers helps you create targeted solutions [10]. Once I stopped pretending my stress was “normal holiday stuff” and got honest about what actually bothered me, I could take action.
Build simple habits that don't suck
Look, I'm not going to tell you to meditate for an hour every morning. That's not realistic when you're already stressed.
What works for me: 7-8 hours of sleep (non-negotiable), eating regular meals instead of relying on cookies and coffee, and finding time to move my body [12]. Even a 10-minute walk helps clear my head and gets those endorphins going [13].
Here's the thing – self-care doesn't have to be complicated. I call them “me-treats” – just 10-15 minutes of something that makes me feel human again [14]. It could be a hot shower, or it could be sitting in my car listening to music. Whatever works.
Learn some actual coping techniques
When I feel that holiday stress building up, breathing exercises are my go-to reset button. The Mayo Clinic recommends the 4-7-8 method – breathe in for 4, hold for 7, breathe out for 8 [15]. Sounds simple, but it actually works to calm down your nervous system [16].
I also started keeping a journal during the holidays. Not some fancy gratitude practice – just writing down what happened and how I felt about it. Research indicates that individuals who wrote about gratitude experienced increased positivity and optimism [17]. For me, I write down three things that didn't completely suck each day [18].
Say no like your mental health depends on it
Because it does.
Saying no isn't selfish – it's survival. Studies actually show that declining stuff that doesn't align with your values can boost your self-esteem [7]. I learned this the hard way after saying yes to everything for most of my life and ending up having a breakdown after Christmas in 2016.
Now I set time limits for events, delegate what I can, and only do things that genuinely matter to me [13]. If the stress becomes too much, don't hesitate to reach out for professional support through services like BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, or Talkspace.
Your mental health is more important than someone else's expectations.
Dealing with Grief and Depression When the Holidays Hit Different
“There is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays. You are in complete control of your plans as to what you will do during this time of the year.” — Richard Kauffman, Mental health advocate and writer
The holidays can be brutal when you're dealing with grief or depression. I know this from personal experience. Through my own journey with depression and working with my therapist, I've learned that this season can amplify everything you're already struggling with.
If you're someone living with mental illness, you probably already know that 64% of people like us report that holidays make our symptoms worse [1]. It sucks, but you're not alone in feeling this way.
Your feelings are valid – stop apologizing for them
Here's what I've learned through therapy: your emotions are giving you important information. Sadness, anxiety, grief – these aren't character flaws that need fixing [3]. They're part of your human experience, especially if you're dealing with loss [19].
I used to fight against feeling sad during “happy” times. That just made everything worse. Now I let myself feel what I'm feeling without judgment. Journaling has helped me process some of the more complex emotions that come up [20]. Sometimes I write about the pain. Sometimes I write about missing people. It all counts.
Create something new that honors what you've lost
When someone you love dies, holidays will never be the same [21]. Period. Fighting against that reality only creates more suffering.
Instead, I've seen people create new traditions that acknowledge their loss while still allowing room for moments of joy [22]. Maybe you:
- Light a candle for someone who's gone
- Cook their favorite dish
- Set an extra place at the table
- Share stories about them [23]
These rituals aren't about “moving on.” They're about carrying your love forward in a way that doesn't destroy you [24].
Don't isolate – even when that's all you want to do
When I'm depressed, isolation feels like the only safe option. But it usually makes things worse. Support groups can connect you with people who actually understand what you're going through [5]. NAMI has both in-person and virtual options if you're ready to reach out [5].
If you're not ready for groups, consider professional help through services like BetterHelp, Talkspace, or Online-Therapy.com. Having someone who knows how to help you work through difficult emotions can be a game-changer [25].
Watch for seasonal depression signals
Seasonal Affective Disorder affects anywhere from 1.5% to 9% of Americans, depending on where you live [19]. The symptoms include oversleeping, carbohydrate cravings, weight gain, and persistent sadness that feels heavier than the regular holiday blues [6].
The primary difference between SAD and general holiday stress lies in the severity and duration of symptoms [26]. Treatment options include light therapy, vitamin D supplements, and, in some cases, medication [6]. Don't try to tough it out alone if this sounds like what you're experiencing.
Setting Boundaries and Not Going Broke
Look, I'm going to be straight with you about something. Family boundaries and money stress during the holidays? These two things have kicked my ass more times than I care to admit.
If you say yes to everything and spend money you don’t have, trying to make everyone happy: IT DOESN’T WORK.
Tell people what you need (and stick to it)
Here's what I've learned the hard way: your boundaries don't need to make sense to other people. They just need to protect you [27].
I had to get honest with myself about my limits first. Then I started telling people directly – no long explanations, no apologies. Just “I can't do that” or “That doesn't work for me.” Some people didn't like it. That's their problem, not mine [28].
Set time limits and have an exit strategy
Family gatherings used to drain me completely. Now I set specific time limits and I stick to them (if I choose to go) [4]. I'll tell someone, “I can stay until 7 PM,” and when 7 PM hits, I'm out.
It’s also recommended to keep a list of safe topics in mind – the weather, sports, or whatever keeps things neutral [4]. When someone starts to enter toxic territory, you can redirect them or leave the room. It's that simple [29].
For the people who repeatedly violate your boundaries? You might need to minimize contact with them. I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes it's necessary [28].
Stop spending money you don't have
Approximately 31% of 2024 holiday shoppers are still paying off credit card balances from last year [8]. Fortunately, I was never one of those people because I don’t give holiday gifts.
If you are one of those people, I encourage you to write down every single holiday expense you can think of: gifts, decorations, food, travel, and donations to charities. Then assign dollar amounts to each category, and track every penny [8][30].
Make stuff instead of buying it
Americans spent $15.2 billion on unwanted gifts in 2019 [31]. That's insane when you think about it.
As I mentioned earlier, I don’t typically give holiday gifts, but I’m more than happy to give someone an experience. That might mean treating them to a meal or taking them on vacation. People remember those more than physical stuff anyway [31].
Plan early or pay the price
If you choose to buy gifts, don’t wait until the last minute. Early planning saves money and stress [32].
If holiday stress becomes overwhelming, seek help. Services like BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, or Talkspace are there for a reason. Use them.
Here's What I Want You to Remember
Look, the holidays are going to be messy. They always are. But after years of struggling through this season and working with my therapist on my own holiday triggers, I've learned that protecting your mental health isn't about getting everything perfect.
Your feelings are going to be all over the place during this time. That's normal. Stop trying to match what you see on social media or live up to some fantasy version of the holidays that doesn't exist for most of us.
Figure out what sets you off before it happens. Take care of yourself with the basics: sleep, food, movement, and breathing space. Write things down when your brain gets noisy. And for the love of everything, learn to say no to things that drain you.
If you're dealing with grief or depression, this season hits different. I know because I've been there. Honor those feelings instead of fighting them. Create new ways to remember people you've lost. Don't try to push through alone.
Family drama and money stress? Set your boundaries early and stick to your budget. Your peace of mind is worth more than keeping everyone else happy or buying gifts you can't afford.
Here's the most important thing I've learned: you don't have to suffer through this season. Getting help through services like BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, or Talkspace isn't giving up – it's taking control.
The holidays don't have to break you. They can actually teach you something about what you need and what you're capable of handling. That's not just surviving – that's growing.
Let me know your thoughts…
Key Takeaways
The holidays don't have to derail your mental health. With 89% of adults experiencing holiday stress, these evidence-based strategies can help you navigate the season while protecting your well-being.
- Accept mixed emotions as normal: Joy, stress, grief, and anxiety can coexist during holidays without requiring you to “fix” them.
- Set clear boundaries early – Communicate your limits directly, set time limits for gatherings, and practice saying no to protect your energy.
- Create simple daily self-care routines – Prioritize 7-8 hours of sleep, regular meals, and just 10-15 minutes of daily “me-time” for stability.
- Stick to realistic budgets and expectations – Plan holiday expenses in advance and focus on meaningful connections over perfect celebrations.
- Use quick stress-relief techniques – Practice 4-7-8 breathing, journaling, or brief walks when overwhelmed to reset your nervous system.
Remember that seeking professional support through services like BetterHelp or Talkspace isn't a sign of weakness—it's a proactive step toward maintaining your mental health during challenging times.
FAQs
Q1. How can I manage stress during the holiday season? Identify your stress triggers, create a simple daily self-care routine, utilize calming techniques such as deep breathing or journaling, and limit overcommitment. Remember to set boundaries and say no when needed to protect your mental well-being.
Q2. What are some ways to cope with grief or depression during the holidays? Honor your feelings without guilt, create new traditions or rituals to remember loved ones, reach out to support groups or a therapist, and be aware of signs of seasonal affective disorder (SAD). It's important to acknowledge your emotions and seek help when needed.
Q3. How can I set boundaries with family during holiday gatherings? Communicate your needs clearly and early. Avoid toxic conversations by having neutral topics ready. Set specific time limits for gatherings and be prepared to step away if tensions escalate. Remember that your boundaries are about protecting your well-being.
Q4. What are some tips for managing financial stress during the holidays? Stick to a realistic holiday budget, consider low-cost or handmade gifts, and plan to avoid last-minute spending. List all anticipated expenses, assign specific amounts to each category, and track your spending closely to avoid overspending.
Q5. Is it normal to have mixed emotions during the holiday season? Yes, it's completely normal to experience a mix of emotions during the holidays, including joy, stress, grief, or anxiety. Recognize that these feelings can coexist, and avoid comparing your experience to others or setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.
References
[1] – https://deconstructingstigma.org/guides/holidays
[2] – https://www.ncoa.org/article/mental-health-and-the-holidays-9-tips-for-self-care/
[3] – https://www.nami.org/Blogs/From-the-CEO/December-2021/The-Most-Difficult-Time-of-The-Year-Mental-Health-During-the-Holidays
[4] – https://dailydose.ttuhsc.edu/2023/december/shp-mental-health-through-the-holidays.aspx
[5] – https://chhs.source.colostate.edu/emotional-intelligence-can-help-you-handle-holiday-stress/
[6] – https://dbtofsouthjersey.com/when-happy-holidays-feel-hard-understanding-emotional-overload/
[7] – https://rewiredpath.com/surviving-the-holidays-a-guide-to-dealing-with-complex-seasonal-emotions/
[8] – https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/coping-with-holiday-stress-keeping-our-expectations-realistic
[9] – https://www.mountainviewwellnessct.com/blog-3/2024/12/20/holiday-season-the-comparison-trap-how-to-avoid-it
[10] – https://medium.com/on-the-couch/how-to-avoid-the-holiday-comparison-trap-029381ec9195
[11] – https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2020/Surviving-Painful-Holiday-Emotions
